“A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, “”Hey buddy, can’t you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!”” The man replies, “”No, I can’t read the sign–I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.”” The bartender is embarrassed and gives […]
“A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, “”What’s the matter?”” The man says, “”My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month. The bartender says, “” yeah thats pretty bad”” The man replies,”” I know, The month […]
“A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: “”What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?”” “”Are you walking or driving?”” asks the barman. “”Driving,”” says a man. “”That’s the quickest way,”” says the barman. ”
“A guy walks into a bar and there’s horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “”What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?”” The guy says, “”Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”””
“A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, “”Does your dog bite?”” The lady answers, “”Never!”” The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, “”Hey, I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!”” The woman […]
“A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, “”I’ll have a beer, please.”” The bartender says, “”Sorry, I can’t serve you. You’re out of your head.”” ”
“A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink from the bartender. “”Got any ID?”” asks the bartender. The Texan replies, “”About what?”” ”
“Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, “”We don’t serve your kind in here.”” One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “”Why not? We’re both cultured individuals.”” ”
“Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ‘I think I’ve lost an electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first says, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’ ”
“This snail crawl’s up to this bar as it was about to close. The snail pounds and pounds on the door of the bar until the bar tender finally opens the door. Bar tender looks around and sees nothing until the snail demanded a beer. The bar tender looked down and sees him but replies, […]
“A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, ‘Was I in here last night?’ ‘You certainly were,’ replies the barman. ‘And did I spend a lot of money?’ ‘You spent over $100, replies the barman. ‘Thank god for that,’ says the man, ‘I thought I’d wasted it.’ ”
“One night after closing time a bar owner was finishing clearing up, when a ghost dog floats in through the door. The bar owner is scared, but asks him what he wants. The phantom hound explains, ‘I’ve lost my tail and cannot rest until a kindly bar owner stitches it back on.’ ‘Sorry,’ said the […]