Jokes

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and … one was a-salted…

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw…”

A shrimp walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, “I’m sorry, … but we don’t serve food here…”

“A Nun Walks Into a Bar – Bar Joke John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a A Nun Walks Into a Bar and starts lecturing him on the evils of drinking. “”You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is […]

“A pirate at the local bar discusses his past A bartender meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to his adventures on the sea. The bartender sees that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The bartendr asks, “”So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”” The pirate […]

“You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “”You can’t bring that dog in here!”” The guy, without missing a beat, says “”This is my seeing-eye dog.”” “”Oh man, “” the bartender […]

“Where is this bus going? A drunken man gets on the bus late one night after leaving the bar, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, “”I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!”” The man jumps up out of […]

“I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says to the barternder, “”I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.”” […]

“3 little pigs Bar Joke The first little pig walked into the bar and said “”Can I have a rum and coke?”” and the bartender said “”OK””. Then the little pig said “”Can I use your toilet?”” and the bartender said straight ahead. Then the second little pig walked into the bar and said “”Can […]

“Barmen Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we will forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But […]

“Bartender help An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender […]

“The Magic Watch in the Bar Joke A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “”Is your date running late?”” “”No,”” he replies, “”I […]